Untaught Lessons

I got the news while I had gone out to watch a movie. I just could not believe what I was reading. Was he playing a prank, was he lying? But what was written in the text message was definitely not something to joke about. His father had committed suicide. I called up the sender of the SMS to know exactly what he meant by those words. I knew the meaning but I wanted to know if he really meant it – because this seemed something straight out of a movie.

It was definitely the truth. I forgot about it for a while and continued to enjoy the day out with friends. When it was time to head back home, I was reminded of the tragedy. I knew I had to go and see him once. But I felt confused and a little nervous. Firstly, in my relatively short stay on this planet, I have not been in such a situation, where someone who was my direct acquaintance and not known to my family, had lost someone. Usually, I am with my family when I go pay condolences to those who are aggrieved. But this time, I had to handle it alone and I felt unprepared.

I reached his house. He came out and I hugged him. I still felt like it was all a nightmare. I have lost some really special people and I know how it felt to have Death snatch somebody away from you. But I felt shattered inside when I listened to him narrate the sequence of events. It does take time but one finally comes to term with a natural death.

But how do you find a reason for a suicide? Who do you blame? Most importantly, who do you ask? I could see that he was now in a state of utter despair, helplessness, hopelessness and frustration. All I could do was offer him a few words. You might think that you know it all but there are times when you face questions that have absolutely no answers. There was no way I could take his pain away. What do I say to someone who saw his own father hanging lifeless from the ceiling fan – his neck broken, eyes open and body stiff. There was absolutely nothing I could say or do to erase that particular moment from his memory when he saw the doctors butchering the body of his father in the name of a post-mortem. He stood there, in front of us all, telling us everything in detail. Not once, did I see a tear escape his eye. Not once, did I hear his voice choke. In front of me was a guy, who I had never really held in high esteem because of certain actions but that night, I could not help but salute his courage. He had lost his all but stood tall, facing every problem head-on. He did not cry or wail. He hadn’t slept, eaten but still had the energy left in him to tell me that he would turn this all around. And I believe him.

Without even trying to, he taught me some things that I shall never forget for as long as I live. I had always considered myself superior to him in all respects. But that night as I walked back to the car, I felt like a loser who still had a lot to learn. I felt silly. I felt small.

1. Final departure – A Tribute When a person leaves this world, to be never seen again, he is said to be dead. Since my childhood...