The Melting Pot » Relationships

Your choice !

Varun — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 16:38:49 +0000

They come , they stick around for a while , some leave and some stay forever . But while they’re around they make our lives wonderful . They’re there when you make stupid plans and carry them through . They’re there right besides you when you laugh out loud after wards . They’re there when you’re going through tough times . They’re there when you’re anxious , sad and distressed . They give you the support you need . They call you at odd hours to discuss the most trivial things . Sometimes they just go on and on and you wonder would they be better off talking to a wall . They drag you to places just for the sake of company . They get you into trouble and they stick around (sometimes) to see you get out of it . They sincerely want the best for you .They’re your friends.

Some of them sometimes don’t act the way you expect them to . Fortunately , I haven’t had much of that problem but I have seen guys who have and so let this be a message for them – It would be selfish to expect others to always behave the way you want them . And so before you pull out all that bullshit from your stupid hat about a selfish and mean world , remember that you come into this world alone and you leave alone . You have to take care of your own business,man .You can either choose to spend the entire journey sulking alone or you can choose the company of your friends and make the best of what you’ve got. Life is like a glass filled half way with water – you can either groan about the missing water or you can take the glass and drink up whatever you have (with whatever you have) . You will have tough times in life but the trick is not to let them encroach upon better times . So,just let those bad times slide !

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Love Aaj Kal

Rahul Sarin — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:47:07 +0000

“Rahul bhai? Can you call me back when you’re free. It’s really important”. “Alright”, I said to my younger brother. An hour passed by and I remembered that I had to ring him. I picked up my phone and punched in his number. He picked up at the very first ring. Without wasting any time, he started off with his story.

It sounded so very familiar. I’d seen this in the movies, heard similar tales from many friends and had even been consulted a number of times. My brother likes a female friend and his male friend stabbed him in the back and went off with the chick. I spent the first thirty minutes trying to calm him down and motivated him to get over the girl. I told him that it’s alright to feel dejected but if he’s patient enough he’ll find a smart, sensible companion. The reply I got was something that got me thinking. He told me that everyone keeps telling him that he MUST get into a relationship and that since every Tom, Dick and Harry has a girlfriend, he must too.

This is not something that I’ve heard for the first time. Countless guys and girls around me compare themselves with others who they feel are inferior to them (in any way) but are in relationships. Your social status becomes tenfold if people around you know that you are dating someone. Curiosity about the opposite sex is fine but this is sheer desperation! People are willing to go out with just about anyone who is ready to accept their advances.

A number of people are of the opinion that experimenting and taking chances with anyone provides one with valuable experience and insight into the workings of relationships. I totally disagree with this thought. How can relationships born out of desperation possibly lead to anything fruitful? These ‘just-for-the-heck-of-it’ relationships can easily be compared with Farmville (Yes. I’m talking about that godforsaken game on Facebook). Just like Farmville, these relationships seem fun, entertaining and everybody seems to have one (farm/girlfriend/boyfriend). But they also share another attribute with Farmville – they are a waste of time, energy and brain. They have no real value and since they stand on frivolous grounds, they teach you nothing. You never realise the worth of the person because you’re busy impressing your peers and end up playing with your own feelings and emotions as well as your partner’s.

I’m probably young and naïve myself but from what I’ve seen and experienced is that you can only find that special someone if you don’t look around too hard. This does not mean that you go hide in the basement! Go out, socialize, make friends but not with the intention of hooking up with every second woman/man you lay your eyes on. Have confidence in yourself and steer clear of the pressure that your friends may exert on you. It’s better to be single and safe rather than get into a messy relationship and then regret it.

The excitement you feel when you actually find somebody who is riding the same wave as you are is something I can’t describe in words. Patience is the key. If you succumb to the pressure, you will end up in a relationship which might not be fulfilling and extremely demanding. On the contrary, if you tame your desperation and stop searching but still keep your eyes wide open, you’ll find someone you can be yourself with. Someone who not only excites every single nerve in your body but whose embrace makes even the most severe pain vanish as well.

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Dad

Silhouette — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:52:31 +0000

My father is a merry man. He lives a completely honest life, as a common man. He views life very candidly. Take it the way it is! He is abstemious, a complete gentleman.

How do I put it.. There is a certain transparency in his actions. In all of my life, I have never seen him being dishonest or condemning anybody – be it his colleagues, or political leaders or his office runners. He is a kind and simple man. Generous – he gives without stinting.. Caring, he goes out of his way to do piddle things for everyone who asks for his help.. Till today whenever I pick up an old Diwali card lying around in the house, I see his initials with a ‘repld.’ sign upon every one of them.. Kind, he sends small gifts to all his clerks whenever we move out to another station.

Sometimes his beahviour makes me laugh. He is so meticulous about every damn thing, putting small post-its on his bathroom mirror, always carrying a diary and pen (even at parties). He always has some or the other advice to give.. Not just to me, but to me and my friends as well. He treats us all with equal love and concern. He doesn’t care whether they laugh at him or get bugged by his constant talking. ‘When you’ll be a parent, you’ll know’, he says. Frank, his thoughts are his actions… Undemanding, he never expects anything, not even a birthday gift.. Infact, it surprises him..! Gentle, he seldom raises his voice (only when I really frustrate him). Patient, he put his own needs after mine. Every time. Poignant, he shares everyone’s sorrows like his own.. he travels hundreds of miles to be with his friends when they are in distress.. no matter how far they are.. Determined, he learns every new technology with painstaking deliberation and zeal.. He isn’t never hesitant to sit in a class with youngsters and learning from a teacher half his age.

All these small things make me wonder if I could ever be such a good parent to my kids. And it fills me with contentment, I have him to look upto.. He is the most patient man in the whole wide world. He has seen the worst days a parent can ever see, and never once have I seen him flinch.. resigned.. or disheartened.

The best thing about him is that he is not just a good father, he is a good man.

I guess all I wanna say is, I love you, Dad.

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Un-posted Letter !

Nabeel — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 18:31:12 +0000

The following Letter was written long time back. Atleast I believe, this is what each and everyone of us would wish to be or would like to share….

Nothing is more tiring in life than having to constantly explain yourself. So, what does it means ? It means, in today’s world of betrayal, no one is going to speak for you; neither your friend nor your degree, unless you are at the giving end. So, you have to speak for yourself, specially when it comes to relationship.

It may sound like an act of conceit. Nevermind, i’ll move on.

Im looking for a relationship where I can enjoy the freedom of trust, where I do not have to explain everything about me. I have my strengths, weakness and shortcomings, where my lesser side will not be provoked and instigated constantly. I want you to always relate to my better side, so my positiveness will always be brought to the surface. Where my today is not seen with the mistakes I made yesterday.
As human, I am bound to err occassionally, every now and then. I want some one who would not maintain a database of my mistakes. Yesterday’s fight does not intrude into today’s intimacy, where yesterday’s argument does not halt today’s communication… where yesterday was over yesterday.
It is not me who has to take the initiative steps all the time. I need a relationship where I can afford to be transparent and do not have to alter my likes and dislikes, in order to gain and retain the relationship. Where I can feel completely myself even more than I’m with my ownself. A relationship in which my heart always feels just born.

On my part till you become happy, I will create enough happy moments for you. My love during those moments can be absolutely unconditional, motiveless….
I can give myself completely to you. I could go down in my knees in gratitude for there cannot be a greater gift from life.

Lets love some one, so completely that we make Ourself worthy of being someone`s greatest gift.

(fictional)

by Nabeel

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In or Out…

Varun — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 05:04:27 +0000

I am a novice when it comes to relationships. But, I often wonder what love is all about. Are we just in love with the idea of love ? I have seen people fall in love or should I say ‘dive’ into it. I hear people ask the question – how one can fall in love without knowing the person first. Well, it isn’t ‘falling in’ if you measure up the person first and then decide if you are in love or not. Then, you’re just matching compatibilities. There are friends who find their soul mates in one another and start a relationship. Again, that is more like discovering each other. So, can people actually fall in love over time ? I don’t think so. I feel that two people can discover that they enjoy each others’ company so much that they’d like to live together forever.

Falling in love for me means when you see the person for the very first time, your eyes meet for an instant and you know everything about that person. It’s like you’ve spent an entire lifetime with that person. I know it’s a cliche but it happens. I don’t think people take time to fall in love, they take time to fall out of love.

It’s like this – You just can’t choose the person to fall in love with. It’ll happen even before you know it. That’s why they call it ‘Falling in’…

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Gandhi and his ‘Spiritual Wife’

Rahul Sarin — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 07:27:14 +0000

Well I read this piece of article in The Tribune, dated Saturday, June 2, 2007 (Saturday Extra supplement).

The article goes something like this :

…There was a woman in Mahatma Gandhi’s life with whom he had contemplated ‘spiritual’ marriage. Rajmohan Gandhi’s recent book on the Mahatma more than hinted at this alliance. V.N. Datta, a historian who has been researching this relationship, talks to The Tribune and attempts to reconstruct the strong bond between Gandhi and Saraladevi, a niece of Rabindranath Tagore

Who was Saraladevi Chowdharani and how did she impact the life of one of India’s greatest sons, Mahatma Gandhi? She stares poignantly out of the early 20th century black and white pictures, clad in rich silk sarees and her black hair flowing loose…

Click here to read the full article.

Mahatma’s not such a Mahatma after all eh… shows the weakness of his character! Well just goes to show that even he wasn’t perfect. I’m not saying Gandhi was bad. Everybody gets tempted in some way or the other and even he was human.

But this article also raised a very important question in my mind. Are arranged marriages really feasible? I mean, do they really work? My parents had an arranged marriage, its rock-solid. But such articles force you to think.

In Gandhi’s case, both he and his wife were 13 years old when they got married. Not only was it a case of arranged marriage but also child marriage. Gandhi had not met Kasturba before. His marriage was fixed and he was married off. That is how arranged marriages work. Although there have been significant changes in the process but still it is majorly the same.

Then later on during his life, Gandhi came in contact with Saraladevi. Not only was there strong liking between the two but there was a lot of physical attraction involved as well (as stated in the article). Had Gandhi been given the choice to marry the girl he wanted, maybe he would’ve never gotten into this mess. Maybe…

What are your views?

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Is love for real?

Niharika — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 10:13:21 +0000

Is it really a sacred word with a much deeper meaning of trust, feeling, emotion and passion? Or is it just a farce? Some people use it just for the heck of it, coz their girlfriends/boyfriends said it and it’s “polite” to reciprocate.. But I’m not talking about those people in this post at all so clear your mind of that notion please.. I’m talking about people who say it and think they mean it, but don’t really know for sure.. Do we really know what love is? Oh, there have been countless songs written about how it feels to be in love, but have you ever felt all that? Isn’t love nothing but a crush? A powerfull obsession/infatuation? Hah! Love at first sight! Without knowing a guy’s name, behavior, character, personality etc, how can someone fall in love? It takes months to fall in love, and maybe even years.. And even then we’re never sure. How many relationships end with ‘I thought I was in love with him but I was too young. I don’t know what love is.’ But does anyone trully know?
I’m looking for suggesions, I feel I’m in love with Vishesh, but quite honestly, even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t really know. Coz I don’t know if what I’m feeling can be called love. What do you think love is? Do you even believe in it? People say, if you like every li’l thing about a person, it’s love. But no1s perfect. I think it’s impossible to like everything about one person. There have to be somethings you don’t like.. Otherwise it’s said, if you can see yourself growing old with that person, you’re in love. But marriages end too. So, does love come and then go away? Or is it just an illusion? I’m confused… What is love?

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Is what is being done right ???

Divya Arya — Wed, 10 May 2006 13:34:56 +0000

There is this friend of mine, in my class, very nicely known to me. She is from a very well-off rather elite family with almost all riches, her dad being a city-famous lawyer and what not!? Now the timing b/w her parents is not really the way it should be but they are just living under one roof because of their social status. There is gender discrimination also as my friend is discriminated from her very own brother. Except from the luxuries and the comforts, her parents provide her with little love or affection. All the frustration and tension in the house obviously leads to bad results. She is kinda dumb, which makes her the laughing stock of the class. Moreover whichever guy she tries to approach, that guy turns out to be a big-time bastard, according to her.! She isn’t good in studies, if has any talent—then never has she showcased it, and the present situation is that her life is in a complete mess and a disaster. Because of all these not-very-good things, she is not interested or determined to do anything in life. No career or anything.

Her parents want her to do law and carry the family tradition going. Now, 1st of all, she is not at all convincing to pursue law and more so, law holds no interest for her. Her apparent riches and Carmel-education has made her rebellious and it’s time she had a reality check. Now last night, she might have had a small talk with her parents about career which resulted in a massive beating of hers. Her mum beat her tight leaving visibly painful bruises, sprains and wounds. Almost all day her eyes were moist. The problem—she wants to go abroad but her parents have enrolled her into law tuition already—starting very soon.

She cannot talk to her parents about anything—her dad being the typical strict-stern fathers, her mother being busy in her diamonds and kitty-parties. Because of all this she has become the way she is—stubborn, dumb, kinda haughty and does not really contains good personality traits. This definitely shows at home also and according to me, her parents must be worried about her casual approach towards life. This is a chain reaction. The word is ADJUSTMENT and it is nowhere to be seen. I’ve told her to visit a councilor but she says that she can’t do so.

The problem is not of the physical wounds that this family gives to each other, but the spoiling of an institution which is so beautiful. They are spoiling her life.

Just a week before she told me,” Divi, I bought Tommy Hilfiger shoes worth Rs. 5000. Damn they look luxurious, rich!” I just thought to myself—- is this the real wealth, or she is just diverting herself from the real life.

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Love don’t cost a thing??

Rahul Sarin — Sun, 07 May 2006 03:35:19 +0000

…You think I’m gonna spend your cash
I won’t
Even if you were broke
My love don’t cost a thing
Think I wanna drive your benz
I don’t…

Those were the lines from JLo’s song. All she’s trying to say is that she’s in love with the guy and not his wallet.
But how true is it? Do girls or guys simply go out with each other ’cause they love each other?? I don’t think so.

I won’t name people here but I know plenty of people who go out just because their partner has a heavy wallet/purse. All they wanna do is go places with them, party, spend money, buy fancy gifts… That’s their sole motive of going out with a rich person. They don’t like him/her. They like the gifts that they buy for them.

Khanna told me about his friend who proposed to a girl by taking her out to Taj & then giving her an expensive piece of jewellery. The girl said yes. OK… he did not ask her to marry him. The guy is just 18. He simply asked her out and after giving her the gift he was now the proud owner…oops… I mean boyfriend of that girl.

So is it actually wise throwing away your dad’s or even your own hard-earned money on fake people who just look good??

Looks can be deceptive, trust me. I once saw a girl who looked stunning. But then, I turned around once again and I saw her digging her nose!!! So there you are, don’t judge a person by how he/she looks. Look inside!!

And spending cash can buy you a so-called “loyal” girlfriend/boyfriend who just stick to you for the luxuries. Such people can never be true soul-mates.

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